Who Would Have guessed
by Jaffa Fairy
Summary: The dumb-named, long-haired wannabe pirateflimsy love intrest makes herself at home on the Pearl - a short but sweet chpt - plz r&r & look out for more coming soon...
1. who would have guessed

"So what do you say Will? Come away with me on the Pearl and be my bitch forever?" Jack put his arms round the young blacksmith's shoulders and stroked his brown tresses. Will swooned like the nancy-boy he is.  
  
"Oh yes jack, you are so manly and yet so seductive, let us go away and you can teach me the evil and lustful ways of pirates."  
  
And with that they swung onto the Black Pearl using a rope that appeared out of no where.  
  
(Look, it wouldn't be a pirate story if there weren't swathy men swinging on ropes.)  
  
****  
  
Elizabeth stood in her constricting dress, watching the ship with black sails move into the glowing sunset. She fluttered he fan and let out a wimpering gasp as the corset pinched her waist and pressed the weight of her heaving chest onto her lungs. She lost her footing on the fort and just as she was about to fall headlong to the rocks below a strong arm gripped her waist.  
  
"Oh, I am so glad you're here, who would have guessed I'd end up with you after everything that's happened." She pulled off her lover's hat and kissed the face she loved so dearly.  
  
"Who could have guessed indeed." Anamaria smiled as she brushed a stray lock of hair out of Elizabeth's face. 


	2. who would have guessed she wanted to be ...

* Well, the last chapter got such a big reaction; I thought I'd carry on. But please understand - I DON'T hate slash (incidentally if anyone cares to visit a fanfic titled 'Certainly Unexpected' they will be able to read the best slash in existence) and yes, I accepted it often happened on pirate ships and indeed any place where men are left alone for long periods of time, throughout history.  
  
And I don't condone crap Mary-Sues or You-Jack stories (though good ones are fine) - hence my latest offering  
  
However I simply chose to knock slash first as I myself am writing a story that could be called a Mary-Sue and I'm scared to face the truth and I don't really know enough about You-Jack to write a good parody.  
  
Also I'm sorry about the spelling mistakes in the first chapter - I was so full of excitement at my amusing lil' scenario that spellcheck when out the window. Finally those of you that complained about there being too many parodies - don't read them! Please remember its just a joke and have a nice day :) *  
  
Jack stood at the helm of the Black Pearl, his hair blew in the wind (the beads and amulets created an affect not unlike a windchime) and his shirt was blown open to reveal his darkly tanned chest. Will stopped swabbing the deck to stare with desire at those dark kohl-rimmed eyes, staring fixedly into middle distance. Suddenly there was a shout from above.  
  
"Land ahoy!"  
  
That night they landed in Tortuga, it was big and full of taverns and whores and rum and pirates and whores and rum and taverns.  
  
Jack was sitting in one such tavern, knocking back the rum, with a whore neatly tucked under his arm. Her name was Violet (or it could have been Ebony or Olivia, or even Catherine) and her last name was that of a bird (raven or something - it makes for catchy titles). She was stunningly beautiful, with big eyes and lots of flowing black hair.  
  
Violet wanted to be a pirate, its all she ever wanted, she is strangely vague about her occupation of shagging men for money but is very vocal on the subject of wanting to be a pirate - and only the Black Pearl will do.  
  
Jack, who seems to have a permanent shortage of young tavern wenches totally unfamiliar with the sea serving as sailors aboard his ship, agrees.  
  
"Oh Cap'n Sparrow, I'm so lucky to be doing this, my life's dream and yet I'm going to be very cheeky to you, to show I am a strong new-age woman who can hold her own aboard a ship full of pirates." Violet gushes as they board the ship the next morning.  
  
"That'll be grand Violet - I will show a similar mild dislike for you and tease you mercilessly in the manner of a chauvinistic male. I will begin by telling you there is no space on the ship apart from in my cabin, so you will have to sleep there." Here Jack nudges the poor girl and she slaps him  
  
"I'm not sure if I deserved that"  
  
(at this time a pantomime horse appears and someone shouts 'he's behind you!' as this is about the element of sophistication 'I'm not sure if I deserved that' is on a par with) 


	3. who would have guessed it would end in a...

Authors Note – Hello again, sorry this update has taken so long but it's not as if there's a lack of parodies out there ( I've been away doing important fanfic research into my next style of parody – the You-Jack fanfic. Enjoy...  
  
You wake up; inexplicably cuddle up to Jack with his arms wrapped around you. This is strange as you are sure you hate Jack, for all his good- looking, roguish, manly charm.  
  
You quickly jump out of bed, your long flowing locks already returning to their carefully-coiffed state ( al la Susan in Terry Pratchett novels).  
  
"Mornin' darlin'" Drawls Jack in a sultry way, oh how you hate him...  
  
"Don't darlin' me." You shout at him, letting you lusty-Tortuga-tavern- wench temper show "I came here to be a pirate, not your harlot."  
  
"Oh aye." Replies Jack, with a glance and a knowing wink towards the author. "We'll see."  
  
"Yes we will." You bite back and stomp out onto the deck, were you pick up in about five minutes the type of skills it usually took sailors a lifetime to learn. By the time Jack emerges you are hanging from the rigging like a lil' mary-sue monkey.  
  
"Well," He drawls "Since you 'ave settled in so well, why not join me and the boys for a well timed romantic moment, er I mean a drink, tonight?"  
  
****  
  
Despite living on Tortuga, land of rum, you are an inexplicable lightweight and by 8:30 you're dancing a lively jig with Jack and realising that despite the gravely voice, muscle-bound chest, piercing eyes and dark tan he's actually quite attractive.  
  
"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Edward sissorhands?" You ask dreamily as you lean your head on his shoulder.  
  
Suddenly a drunken figure stumbles into the room, wielding a large, pointy sword.  
  
(this is what we in the world of classy plot-lines like to call a cliffhanger, stay tuned...) 


End file.
